Respecting Respect: Part I
"Respect" has become imbued with metaphysical essence which gives the word more power than appropriate or healthy. I propose this from the experience that no two people I have spoken with have an equal idea of what it means to respect. But somehow, the word holds power within dynamics such as parent & child, friend & stranger, brother & sibling.
The word affects interpersonal behavior in ways that I do not understand and so in my definition of respect and analysis of it, I wish to bring the word down from its shiny pedestal and steal some of its ominous glow.
My preoccupation is born where respect is violated. The statement, "you disrespected me," purports something, but what exactly does it mean? To have violated a law of respect implies there exists a standard or law by which respect operates -- but what is it?
Respect comes from the Latin respectus, "regard". Literally an "act of looking back at one,". Respicere: "look back at, regard, consider," from re- "back" +specere "look at".
Then perhaps respect means literally to "regard" another. Not in the sense as in seeing, but to consider, think about and be aware -- the way that we are when we consider in terms of making a decision.
I propose that respect is a matter of decisions and action (including intentional or unintentional inactivity -- after all, my doing nothing is an action in and of itself). These actions and decisions only matter with ''respect'' in terms of how the actions affect persons (even in the case of "respecting oneself", it has to do with actions that affect oneself). If respect has to do with regard and consderation, it follows that what I do according to my regard is what either fulfills respect or violates it.
Still, it is unclear what exactly I am regarding when I consider the other. Is it the other person's desire, wellbeing, authority? My mother always said "respect your lover's father" such that I associate respect to mean that under fear of a father's wrath, it is right to behave in whatever way pleases him. So respecting him means to be conscious of his desires and whims so that my actions align with them.
To define respect as a matter of regarding another's desires and aligning one's actions accordingly presents a problem. Remember that I am looking for a standard or essential quality of respect. If I disrespect a person by behaving contrary to his/her desires, what about when a person's desires violate my own -- am I not being disrespected if I respect the other? To avoid ambiguity, I can pose that my respecting the other violates my moral principles. Should I respect the other or keep to my own?
Clearly, Mr. Clots does not understand or consider/regard his guest's desires and customs. Ironically, he is not respecting his guest, at least in the way that I have defined it. Still, is he not right that his customs and ideas of how things "should be" are violated? Domo Akira perhaps does not understand his host's customs and desires enough to regard them either. He indeed is disrespecting Mr. Clots. Ultimately, I am lead to the conclusion that this situation is not an issue of respect, rather one of miscommunication. But the miscommunication goes unnoticed (at least by Mr. Clots).
If we posit for a moment that respect has no essence, as I do believe, but rather it has to do with an individual's ideas of what constitutes respect, then respect is a fluid conception which has the potential of discriminating and causing harm unconsciously. What will Mr. Clots' behavior look like to Domo Akira? If Clots behaves angrily or indignantly, perhaps his guest will perceive this to be unfriendliness and lack of respect toward a guest!
I propose that respect is a matter of decisions and action (including intentional or unintentional inactivity -- after all, my doing nothing is an action in and of itself). These actions and decisions only matter with ''respect'' in terms of how the actions affect persons (even in the case of "respecting oneself", it has to do with actions that affect oneself). If respect has to do with regard and consderation, it follows that what I do according to my regard is what either fulfills respect or violates it.
Still, it is unclear what exactly I am regarding when I consider the other. Is it the other person's desire, wellbeing, authority? My mother always said "respect your lover's father" such that I associate respect to mean that under fear of a father's wrath, it is right to behave in whatever way pleases him. So respecting him means to be conscious of his desires and whims so that my actions align with them.
To define respect as a matter of regarding another's desires and aligning one's actions accordingly presents a problem. Remember that I am looking for a standard or essential quality of respect. If I disrespect a person by behaving contrary to his/her desires, what about when a person's desires violate my own -- am I not being disrespected if I respect the other? To avoid ambiguity, I can pose that my respecting the other violates my moral principles. Should I respect the other or keep to my own?
Mr. Clots sees it as optimum disrespect that his guest, Domo Akira, removes his shoes before walking about the house. Also, he will not join the rest of the family in prayer before the meal. The last straw is when he refuses to eat any of the meats Mrs. Clots arduously slaved to cook for their esteemed foreign guest. What exactly does it mean to be a vegetarian? How absurd!
Clearly, Mr. Clots does not understand or consider/regard his guest's desires and customs. Ironically, he is not respecting his guest, at least in the way that I have defined it. Still, is he not right that his customs and ideas of how things "should be" are violated? Domo Akira perhaps does not understand his host's customs and desires enough to regard them either. He indeed is disrespecting Mr. Clots. Ultimately, I am lead to the conclusion that this situation is not an issue of respect, rather one of miscommunication. But the miscommunication goes unnoticed (at least by Mr. Clots).
If we posit for a moment that respect has no essence, as I do believe, but rather it has to do with an individual's ideas of what constitutes respect, then respect is a fluid conception which has the potential of discriminating and causing harm unconsciously. What will Mr. Clots' behavior look like to Domo Akira? If Clots behaves angrily or indignantly, perhaps his guest will perceive this to be unfriendliness and lack of respect toward a guest!
My suggestion when it comes to respect is to treat the word as just that; a word. If I give the word no transcendent meaning, then I can more easily evaluate some situations for what they are. That is not to say that we should fail to respect others. On the contrary, with the knowledge that respect has everything to do with sensitive consideration, choose what actions you participat in according to your own respect and what you consider to be appropriate/convenient/right in the face of another's respect.
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